Overcoming Shyness When Attending Professional Conferences
By Rudy Gaskins, September 10, 2023
As the producer of That’s Voiceover! Career Expo, an annual conference for newcomers and pros in voice acting, I often receive emails from people who want to attend but are concerned that they won’t be able to get the most out of networking due to being shy or introverted. It’s not a question you can handle on the FAQ page. They’re asking for guidance related to introducing themselves to strangers and engaging in highly stimulating (somewhat raucous) environments that were ostensibly created to meet people for the purpose of career enhancement, i.e., people for whom one can work, people who can facilitate opportunities for work, and people who may become allies.
I started thinking much harder about how to create networking experiences that worked for those who felt in anyway intimidated by the event. Not being a sociologist, I researched material written by such experts on the nature of shyness and introversion, First, I was surprised to discover that being shy or introverted are two different things. The depth of understanding these two personality traits is vast, but in short, shyness is the concern over being negatively judged or perceived, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. So, with shyness the goal is to break through the presumption of negative judgement, and in the case of introversion it’s about learning to set yourself up for success by managing engagement within environments you find overly stimulating. It’s possible to have aspects of both shyness and introversion.
Most people feel shy at one point or another, but for some, shyness can be so debilitating that it stops them from participating in social gatherings that are critical to their professional and personal goals.
Psychology Today says, “Research shows that shyness is maintained through a vicious cycle in which people approach a social situation, feel the excessive fear of negative evaluation, and then avoid the situation. This initially provides relief; however, it often leads to feelings of shame and self-blame.” It’s easy to see why you wouldn’t want to put yourself through such an ordeal.
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From the Society of Voice Arts and Sciences
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Here are four ways to create a breakthrough why shyness or introversion is afoot:
1. Plan for it to go well.
Shyness is depicted by a strong inclination to overestimate adverse scrutiny. There is an enormous fear that others will evaluate you in a negative way, so a good deal of thought in social settings is spent on how to not do something wrong, instead of on how to do something right.
Build up your confidence by focusing on what you can do to make the situation a success. Don’t worry about small talk. Focus on talking about what’s happening in the moment. If you just heard a presentation, for example, you could ask the person sitting next to you what they thought of it. You don’t have to invent small talk out of thin air if you simply talk about what’s going on in the moment – the event you’re experiencing. Most people appreciate the opportunity to share their opinions.
Prior to the event, perhaps days or weeks before, prepare yourself by thinking about conversations you would be comfortable starting; How are they enjoying their experience so far? What do I have in common with the other participants? What are some safe current events I could bring up? What’s going on in my life that I feel comfortable sharing?
Give yourself an exit strategy in the event you become overwhelmed by the experience. “I’m sorry but would you excuse me. I’m about to miss an important phone call.” However, only use it if necessary. It’s better to confront your fear if you want to overcome it, but it is important for you to know that you are in control if you feel overwhelmed. Knowing you have an exit strategy may be all you need to feel relaxed.
2. Be curious about others.
The very first principle in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is to “Become genuinely interested in others.” Too often we walk into professional conferences with a networking chip on our shoulder. It’s all about, “What I’m going to get to advance my career?” We base our success on how many cards we collect or pass out, how many bigwigs we meet, and how many prospects we develop. Me, me, me.
Take the focus off yourself. Instead, focus on being curious about others. Who are they and why are they there? What are their interests in life? What are some of the challenges they’ve faced in building their careers? You may discover that you have something to offer them, rather than the other way around. You may discover that you have something in common that has nothing to do with why you attended the conference. This is the best kind of networking – a genuine connection based on a mutual love for something. The rest will naturally flow from there.
Everyone has a story and most appreciate opportunities to share their stories. You’ll only find it if you take a genuine interest in others. I once stood in the back of the room during a keynote address and got into a great conversation about some controversial remarks made by the speaker. I wasn’t thinking about networking or my purpose for being there because I was in the moment. I was enjoying the experience – not analyzing and calculating a networking strategy. Suddenly, the guy asked, “What do you do anyway?” I was running a boutique ad agency at the time, and I told him about it with every expectation that we would quickly get back to our conversation about the controversy. As it turned out, he was a marketing executive for COSTCO. He offered me his business cards and said, “I think I may have a project for you.” COSTCO became my client for the next 5 years.
3. Give yourself a role.
Many of the socially shy people I’ve heard from chose voice acting because of the solitary nature of it. They didn’t realize that they were becoming entrepreneurs, or that they would need to promote (market) themselves to get work. Networking can be successful without direct marketing, and you don’t have to define yourself by your job as a voice actor. Yet, having a role gives you a sense of purpose, and guidelines for how you should behave. Most people in any setting want to feel liked and accepted.
My own therapist shared with me that he recommends to his clients that they “Give themselves the role of making other people feel the way they would like to feel.” As part of your plan to have the situation go right, pick a job for yourself: It is my job to help people feel interesting or liked, or it is my job to make people feel welcome.
4. Create a positive inner dialogue.
Another thing I learned is that shy people are often highly critical of themselves, and their inner dialogue can be very harsh and include things they would never say to other people. When you judge yourself harshly, you are more likely to assume that others will judge you in the same way. Your inner critic can cause a lot of emotional damage, robbing you of peace of mind and self-esteem.
The best way to defeat the critic is to have an even stronger ally on your side — an inner voice that acts as your own best friend. Start noticing the good things about yourself and learn to “talk back” to your inner critic. The legendary martial artist Bruce Lee said, “Don’t speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference. Words are energy and cast spells. That’s why it’s called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life. What you’re not changing, you’re also choosing.”
When the critic starts to blame you for being fearful, remember that there is not a single person who enjoys rejection, yet somehow, we all manage to survive it. When your inner critic starts to tell you that no one will ever like you, remind yourself that you liking you is what matters most. By learning to talk to yourself in a kinder gentler way, social situations won’t hold as much power to hurt you because you won’t be punishing yourself.
Every social situation you put yourself in is a mini social-skills workout. The more you do it, the better you get. If your shyness is more severe there are effective treatments for social anxiety that include group and individual therapies. If you feel like you might benefit from these, consult a mental health professional.
According to Psychology Today, “Shy people can successfully address social challenges without altering their sense of identity. It is often best for people to acknowledge their shyness and try to release themselves from feeling self-conscious. Instead of avoiding social events, take them on as opportunities for growth.” Personally, I’m one for seeking help from experts who know how to help folks improve their mental health, and I’m very pleased to see that our society is finally recognizing the evolved perspective that health requires at least as much attention as any other aspect of our wellbeing. For those who ask how best to network at professional conferences, or purely social events for that matter, I hope the four principles laid out above will help you immensely. The one last thoughtRemember, you always have your exit strategy as a last resort, and you can always try again.
Rudy Gaskins is the CEO and co-founder of the Society of Voice Arts and Sciences (SOVAS), a nonprofit organization in support of the global community of voice actors as well as the associated craft professionals that comprise the voice acting community. He is the co-creator of That’s Voiceover! Career Expo and the Voice Arts® Awards. Rudy is an Emmy Award-winning TV producer and branding expert who has developed creative and branding services for global brands such as American Express, Lexus, NBC Sports, Delta Air Lines, Costco, Food Network, BET, and TV One. He has won dozens of marketing and creative awards across the media spectrum.
From the Society of Voice Arts and Sciences
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